By Tori 
Making new friends as an adult is truly an art; a dance. It is unpredictable and few people have it in their control. The thing with adults is that we all desire good healthy friendships. It’s that delicate time where we are slowly outgrowing most of our previous friendships and the new ones we are making don’t seem to stick. It can get lonely and frustrating but the good thing is, many of us are experiencing this; so you are not alone. The following are some things to know when it comes to making friends as an adult:
There is a lot of fear and anxiety involved in making friends as an adult because it is not a straightforward line. It is not a direct effort, direct results situation. Dealing with people in general and especially in a casual/friendly way involves a lot of things: feelings, schedules, and more. I think it’s wise to acknowledge this so that we are conscious of it in our search for friends.
While we are here, I just want to say that; it is not embarrassing to want friends! Why should it be embarrassing to want companionship? A connection with other human beings? I am saying this because there is this ‘notion’ that it is weird and maybe ‘desperate’ to want friends but honestly, I don’t find it weird. In fact, I find it very normal. Who wants to be all alone on earth with no one, no anchor, no support, and more? I think we would all like that and it is okay and normal to want friends.
However, do not be desperate. I know we want to have friends who we have fun with, can lean on for emotional support, and do fun things with… but you still have to be vigilant and patient with yourself. In this journey of making new friends, remember to protect your heart, body, and mind. Not every person you meet who has ‘good vibes’ is your friend. We need to normalize relating to people appropriately and using terms like acquaintance, colleague, classmate, neighbor, etc.
Furthermore, physical proximity matters. This might be a controversial one but I’m convinced of this. People are busy. People have schedules to follow: school, work, family, and more. Making a friend who seamlessly fits into your schedule is extremely ideal. A friend you can see often without trying to carve out time in your schedule. For example, if you go to the gym four times a week and you make a friend at the gym, you can see this friend four times a week. If you go to school, making a friend from school is easier because you see each other almost daily. Physical proximity also allows for quick small talks, daily catchups…etc that help the friendship stick in the long run.
Be self-aware before the friendship. I’m going to put a lot of emphasis on this one. Know your boundaries, attachment style, triggers, and more. At least have an idea. Knowing yourself will make you know the kind of people you want as friends. Being self-aware in friendships prevents a lot of problems and issues further down the line. In the early stages of friendship where they just met the person and it’s all fun and games, a lot of people end up losing themselves in the friendship and trying to impress their newfound friend. I know, I have been there, and that is why yielding a strong knowledge of self is important. It helps you remain grounded, remain yourself, and see things clearly as they are.
A key thing to note is that intentionality matters. Making friends as an adult is not the same as making friends as kids where you get a new neighbor and suddenly you’re friends with the next-door kid. It takes much more intention. Are you putting yourself out there? When you’re out there, are you making an effort to talk to people? I understand that this may be difficult, especially for introverts or people with social anxiety but it is important to move with intention the way that looks like for you if you want to meet people and make friends.
To add to the intentionality point, going to spaces where you can meet people is key in this friend-making journey. Not only places where you can meet people but places with activities that interest you. For example, if you like art, you can intentionally go to art studios or galleries. If you meet people there, you at least have something in common from the beginning. If you like music, you can intentionally go to performances or concerts. If you put yourself out there and meet people, it’s slightly easier because you have something in common already. These are just some examples to take my point home. In conclusion, go outside, be intentional, and be wise about where you want to meet friends.
To finish off, in this journey, be patient and give yourself grace. The complexities of life do not make it easy to meet people all the time and make friends. Everyone is busy and life gets busier by the day. Therefore, finding friends may take some time, but don’t be discouraged. People make friends all the time, every day. It’s not that ‘serious’. These were just a few pointers to keep in mind on that journey. I would like all of us to have an easy time making friends that blossom into healthy friendships. Just be yourself, have a free mind and spirit, and lastly, be wise and protect yourself. All the best!
-Tori