By Tori 
This is the fourth and last part of the friendship series and I am so excited to share with you my personal takes on friendships. My thoughts, opinions, and some controversial take on friendships. Friendships are so important! Being a part of healthy friendships is literally good for your mental health and well-being. Additionally, according to a book by Karen Majors: Friendships: The Power of Positive Alliance; states that having friendships also helps sharpen social skills and emotional management and I completely agree with that. At the very least, friendships provide companionship and support which I believe everyone needs.
This debate occasionally revolves around relationships and friendships: Are people allowed to change? The way I understand this is, are you justified to break off a friendship because your friend has changed? Changed from the way you met them. One thing to understand is that change is inevitable in the human experience. There is no way on earth someone will remain the same over a long period. Life is unpredictable and people change to adapt. When you make a friend, you should know who you’re becoming friends with deep down. Do you know their core values and their beliefs? Most of the time core values and beliefs don’t change.
Another thing, are you friends with the person or the idea of the person? I’m going to give an example: if you become friends with someone famous and then something happens and they are no longer famous. Is there a shift in your friendship dynamic? If there is, then know you were friends with that person because of the idea of being friends with someone famous and not the person themselves. I’m not going to say if this is right or wrong but I am going to say that if you want to maintain a healthy long-term friendship with someone, it’s wise to assess why you’re friends with someone and how much change it will take to ‘shake’ the friendship.
Recently, on my Instagram page’s segment called: Dilemma Thursday, someone shared that they are friends with someone who clearly does not want to be friends with them. Their friend was always angry at them for some reason and they felt like they always had to apologize and could not be themselves around them. Sadly, I have heard many stories like this and all I have to say is: please be friends with people who like you. Why are we befriending or remaining friends with people who clearly dislike us? I feel like to some extent, this is a form of scarcity mentality or attachment issues (not expert advice). A friend at the very least should value and respect you. If not, that is not a friend. Why allow yourself to be around people who are rude, manipulate, lie, gaslight, and, disrespect? The first post of this friendship series has some pointers on who a friend is, you can check it out here to help you choose friends who respect and treat you well. It will save us a lot of problems and protect our hearts and minds.
Being in a healthy friendship is not automatic and requires a lot of intentional nurturing. All good things require some effort especially relationships with other people. Most of us find ourselves in friendships; maybe you find yourself in the same environment and a friendship naturally sparks. Keeping the friendship is where the challenge is mostly. However, intentionality is the word and this means going out of the natural friendship course to see how your friendship can survive and thrive. What are the small things you do for your friends? They can be as simple as active listening, just being there when they need you, thoughtful gifting, having some intentional hangouts(special ones aside from the ‘normal’ ones), compliments, and more. Basically putting in an effort to be a good friend to your friends to keep and maintain a fun and healthy friendship.
Lastly, maturing is knowing when it is time to leave friendships. This can be hard but sometimes necessary. A friendship can run its course but the course has reached its finish line and that’s okay. It’s normal and the funny thing is, most of the time, you know. You know when the friendship is over and no longer serves you. When your needs are not being met, the friendship is abusive in some way, the friendship is draining, and more. There are many ways to tell but only you can really tell. I recommend leaving when you have at least tried fighting for the friendship. This means having those difficult conversations, calling out yourself and your friends on things, confrontations, interventions, and more. I don’t believe in just waking up one day and deciding you don’t want to be friends with someone and just moving on with no communication, in short, ghosting. That is just being, sorry to say, a coward by not being brave enough to face yourself and your friend. Even if the reason is small, it’s big enough to affect you and you should be able to express that.
As I conclude this friendship series, I really hope that enough insights have been shared throughout the series to at least shift your perspectives. I can’t exhaust all there is to be said about friendships. I am also learning and growing in my friendships every day. The much or little I have shared I have learnt from my experiences and from what I have seen or heard. It has been a good run and I’m looking forward to the next series!
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***All images are from Pexels.com***
-Tori